Haven’t stopped being sick in 3 days. Today is the only day I haven’t been sick… (yet) 

I’m hoping its gone away but who knows? I have kept something down since last night but all I have felt is nausea. It panics me, feeling like this. What is it? I ask myself over and over again.. pregnant? stomach bug? dying? no idea. 2 of those 3 seem really far fetched to me but are still on the mind and I honestly don’t know which one of the 3 scares me more. 

I have to stop being so negative, that is my resolution for this year. Positivity, something to focus on. Be happy, easier said than done but I mean if we really try could it not happen? 

Having a bad day… try doing something you love. That’s what I am going to focus on. I had a camera for Christmas and as well as writing I love photography, next time I have a bad day I’m going to go out for a walk and take some pictures, practice makes perfect after all. 

Let’s try this! It may not work out but It may. 

Isn’t it weird how starting a new year is such a big thing, like something is actually going to change. For a lot of us it doesn’t, we say it will but we lie, to ourselves and everyone around us. Don’t sorry most of them are lying to themselves and everyone else around them too. Don’t get me wrong, for the people who actually want to change and are determined, they do it and its amazing but lets be fair, that isn’t the a lot of us is it. For everyone out there who actually want to make a change, you go! There’s nothing stopping you, just like there’s nothing stopping the rest of us, we make allow things to stop us. Stay Strong, Be Proud and have an amazing 2019.

*Trigger warning*

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for about 7 years and right now is the worst its ever been. I honestly couldn’t tell you how to cope with it because I have no idea. Life alone is a fucking hard thing to go through but add a mental illness on top and its much worse. I self harm, its a way of releaving myself from the pain and thoughts that are constantly going around my head, I’m better than I was, when I was younger self harm was the only thing I would do to stop the thoughts but now I have other things that help, but I do still turn to self harm on really bad occasions.

It’s sad to think that I have never been able to enjoy life to the fullest because of this mental illness, I know some people can, but I am not one of those people. 

I have think about death nearly everyday and have even attempted the plans a few times in the past, obviously didn’t work. 

For those of you who don’t understand this is what goes through my head…

Something amazing could be happening in my life and I see it but my mind can only focus on the negative things that follows with it and if there is none my brain will make up a ‘what if’ fake problem that suddenly becomes real. I can’t stop it.

On my dark days I feel as though I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. I’m so alone. There’s nothing but darkness around. ‘Nobody wants to help me, they don’t care if I drown, so whats the point in trying to stay alive?’

I know it may seem silly and I can’t deal with people who say stupid shit like  ‘well just don’t think that way’ or ‘just smile it will make you feel better’ because it doesn’t and it never will, not when I’m deep. 

I do have moments in my life where I realise it isn’t all that bad and I know people go through way more stuff than me and then I feel stupid for being depressed because ‘what do I have to be depressed about?’  

Life is hard. 

But we have to try. I guess.

Haven’t stopped being sick in 3 days. Today is the only day I haven’t been sick… (yet) 

I’m hoping its gone away but who knows? I have kept something down since last night but all I have felt is nausea. It panics me, feeling like this. What is it? I ask myself over and over again.. pregnant? stomach bug? dying? no idea. 2 of those 3 seem really far fetched to me but are still on the mind and I honestly don’t know which one of the 3 scares me more. 

I have to stop being so negative, that is my resolution for this year. Positivity, something to focus on. Be happy, easier said than done but I mean if we really try could it not happen? 

Having a bad day… try doing something you love. That’s what I am going to focus on. I had a camera for Christmas and as well as writing I love photography, next time I have a bad day I’m going to go out for a walk and take some pictures, practice makes perfect after all. 

Let’s try this! It may not work out but It may. 

Isn’t it weird how starting a new year is such a big thing, like something is actually going to change. For a lot of us it doesn’t, we say it will but we lie, to ourselves and everyone around us. Don’t sorry most of them are lying to themselves and everyone else around them too. Don’t get me wrong, for the people who actually want to change and are determined, they do it and its amazing but lets be fair, that isn’t the a lot of us is it. For everyone out there who actually want to make a change, you go! There’s nothing stopping you, just like there’s nothing stopping the rest of us, we make allow things to stop us. Stay Strong, Be Proud and have an amazing 2019.

*Trigger warning*

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for about 7 years and right now is the worst its ever been. I honestly couldn’t tell you how to cope with it because I have no idea. Life alone is a fucking hard thing to go through but add a mental illness on top and its much worse. I self harm, its a way of releaving myself from the pain and thoughts that are constantly going around my head, I’m better than I was, when I was younger self harm was the only thing I would do to stop the thoughts but now I have other things that help, but I do still turn to self harm on really bad occasions.

It’s sad to think that I have never been able to enjoy life to the fullest because of this mental illness, I know some people can, but I am not one of those people. 

I have think about death nearly everyday and have even attempted the plans a few times in the past, obviously didn’t work. 

For those of you who don’t understand this is what goes through my head…

Something amazing could be happening in my life and I see it but my mind can only focus on the negative things that follows with it and if there is none my brain will make up a ‘what if’ fake problem that suddenly becomes real. I can’t stop it.

On my dark days I feel as though I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. I’m so alone. There’s nothing but darkness around. ‘Nobody wants to help me, they don’t care if I drown, so whats the point in trying to stay alive?’

I know it may seem silly and I can’t deal with people who say stupid shit like  ‘well just don’t think that way’ or ‘just smile it will make you feel better’ because it doesn’t and it never will, not when I’m deep. 

I do have moments in my life where I realise it isn’t all that bad and I know people go through way more stuff than me and then I feel stupid for being depressed because ‘what do I have to be depressed about?’  

Life is hard. 

But we have to try. I guess.